Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
Got kicked out of the local casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
Sometimes I think I`m a relatively smart person. Other times I put my shoes on before my pants and realize who I really am.
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
“But I read somewhere…” -me about to make some sh!t up.
When I was a child, I wanted to be a surgeon. But apparently I was too young
Wife: give me money I want to buy a bra. Husband: you`ve got nothing to put in them. Wife: you wear shorts
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
A dirty mind is f*cking beautiful!
The heart wants what the heart wants. *opens 12th beer*
My internet was down for almost 4 mins,im ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!
My ID expired so I can only go to the liquor store where they remember me: The one where I asked the cashier out and threw up on the floor.