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No one’s going to do it for you. It’s up to just you to make naps a priority in your life.
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then both walk in the same direction..
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
I pretend I don`t care but deep down I really still don`t care.
I have Beer.
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
Someone’s going to ruin things; it might as well be me.
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
Cats don`t come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can`t put them in the washing machine.
My life is loosely based on a true story.
once again Tequila is the Delete History button of my brain.
I hate it when I open my fridge and get punched by a bear... =/
iTunes got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.