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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
It`s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!
I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn`t park anywhere near the place
Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
I like my coffee like I like my women, hot and a lot of alcohol in them
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
I`d like to eat healthy, but we all know what happened that time Eve ate an apple. Best not to risk it.
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
Thanksgiving is a great time to test the boundaries of how drunk you can get before your family members notice.
What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.
My problem has always been a Constipated Brain and my mouth has the Runs.......
Every time I make plans to eat better I can hear my stomach laughing
The older I get, the more I understand someone`s desire to just say-"F*ck it. I`m going to be drunk all the time & live under this bridge."