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There is nothing louder than a party across the street that you weren’t invited to.
I try to get in at least 30 minutes of talking about exercise every day.
I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.
I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score ... Winning!
OMG you guys! Almost hit a jogger while i was taking a selfie and driving today...so please you guys, be careful, do NOT jog.
I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
Ever talk to someone so stupid they make you squint?
Have you ever stopped to think, and forgot to start again?
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here