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I think it`s safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children,,, old girlfriends tend to get offended.
The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
Getting out of bed was my worst mistake today.
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
My cardio is shopping.
No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
I don`t think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way, your way just happens to be in the dark.
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.