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Ok but how old is your child in minutes?
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
I had four E`s and LSD last night. Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
If you stand by the sea, it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.
Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.
Anything I say or do before I`ve had my coffee doesn`t count.
If the world dosen`t end on the 21st, I sure do have a lot of MREs to gift wrap.
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
“Screw it” – My final thought before making most decisions.
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.