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So if one was to type ‘idiot’ into Google, would your picture come up?
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
Your car took up two spaces, I tried to move it over with my key.
You can’t believe everything you hear, but you can repeat it.
A simple "good morning beautiful" text could make any girl smile for the whole day. ..but knocking on the bathroom window first to ask her number sort of ruins it for some reason.
Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.
Facebook: an alternative to drunk dialing.
I received an email from a hacker that had accessed my bank account. It simply read, "LOL".
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
Surprise your wife today. Sell all her shoes and buy something nice for yourself.