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Have you hugged you bartender today.
I often worry that mankind is going to start World War III soley because we enjoy trilogies.
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
Lazy Fact #69302246777573 - You were too lazy to read that number.
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google and Wikipedia.
I hate bugs that fly, jump, crawl, dougie, twerk, 2 step, all that crap.
bored out of my mind in class i began staring into space... space happened to be right in front of me at the time...
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
Played hide and seek today. I was winning until the cops let the K9 off of the leash.
If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they`ll tell you how great you look at 250.
Fun Prank: Put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.
Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life ... Avoiding them