Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I don`t `like` your post it`s because I don`t care...
If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you`re not naked near enough.
I don`t know who I feel more sorry for.. myself for never being able to find where I parked my car?.. or the poor bastards following me through the parking lot hoping to take my parking space...
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
It is amazing how quickly kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, dishwasher, or vacuum cleaner.
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
Doormats are a gateway rug.
If i had a dollar for everytime i was thinking about you, i would start thinking about you.
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??
This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don`t want people to recognize me when I`m pooping.
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.