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Sorry I`m late, the floor was lava
Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
Just saw the trailer for "Noah." I hear The Book is better.
Admit it...Life yould be boring without me.
The next person I hear say “I love fall” is getting choked out with a scarf soaked in pumpkin spice latte.
Haiku`s confuse me / Too often they make no sense / Hand me the pliers
I’ve got bad news: Today is not Friday, Tomorrow is not Friday, Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.
F*ck spiders. F*ck them and the way they move their legs, f*ck their ability to multiply by the million and f*ck their eight, beady little black eyes that offer unblinking, soulless glimpses of the blackest depths of hell itself.
I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?
If I lived everyday like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.