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i want a cute boy to let me hold his hand and his credit card
All the guys in working out photos look like they`re straining or in pain, but there`s lots of pictures of me with cake and I look happy. Just saying.
Today is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." ... I just made it up. Tell the others.
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
Holy sh!t! I just opened a bag of cheddar and sour cream Ruffles and one of the chips was plain. This is a sign, man. God is going to smite all of us f*ckers with his wrath and send us to all to burn in the eternal flames of... Sorry. Just one side of the chip was plain. Carry on.
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
High fiving was the original "like".
At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets???
If you`re feeling powerless just remember a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.
My 5 year old still has so much to learn. I asked him for a screwdriver and he brought me some sort of tool.
You never know how many people you dislike until you have to name your child.