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When riding in an elevator, be sure to push all the buttons. Your fellow riders will appreciate the fact that you thought of everyone.
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
Nothing says “I don’t take you seriously” like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
Ever talk to someone so stupid they make you squint?
When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
This beer tastes like I’m going to text you later.
You know you`re broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
Facebook`s list of "suggested friends" is quite literally a list of people I`ve been avoiding my entire life.
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
I don`t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it
"If Donald Duck doesn`t have to wear pants than neither do I!"- Me getting drunk at Disney World.
I turned out ok for a kid raised in a large part by Bugs Bunny.
I don`t go on Facebook much so Dave, if you`re seeing this, thanks for the invite to your 2007 New Year`s party, hope you had fun dude.
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?