Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
you know....I must be drop dead sexy because....cashiers are always checking me out….
Sometimes, late at night in the market..i switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
I only accept apologies in cash.
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that’s coming.
There`s no easy way to tell someone you lost their kid in a high stakes game of duck duck goose.
Today please just pretend I wrote something hilarious, click like, and move on down the news feed.
I was an atheist, until I realized I was a sex god.
When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
"I smell carrots. Do you smell carrots? `cause I smell carrots..." ~ Snowmen.