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Never take advice from someone more miserable than you are.
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
Do you think people in Mexico ever say, "Those jobs keep stealing all our Mexic?ns!"
Hmmm… Who should I stalk on Facebook now? :)
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
I`m all for change as long as it doesn`t directly affect my routine.
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
I have some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.
Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house, but that fly is dead.
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
"You blew a tranny" means something completely different to an auto mechanic.
Tell a therapist, Not Facebook.