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Screw it, I’m starting Friday now.
I need to find a way to be asleep but still get all my work done.
Considering I`m broke, I wonder if she`ll let me be her sugar-free daddy.
Sometimes I think if it weren`t for the gutter my mind would be homeless...
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
The difference between beer and your opinion is that I asked for a beer.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don`t think it`s weird when I have jam in my hair.
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
Going to the skate park to watch people fall.
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."