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I didn`t get a chance to do yoga this morning or any other morning of my life.
My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the a$$holes asked me to turn it down.
Thanks to Facebook i now know what everyones bathroom looks like.
With the promise of Free Drinks or Food, I’m willing to go pretty much anywhere.
When choosing a name for your daughter, imagine her being announced in a strip club. If she doesn`t need a stage name, pick something else.
why me is me ?
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
Overheard at grocery: Paper or plastic, sir? Doesn’t matter. Im bisacksual.
The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.