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If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
"You go girl" - asking my girlfriend to move out, but sassy like
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what Iām doing.
My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
If your father is poor, Its your fate, but if your father-in-law is poor, then its your fault!
When you`re a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you`re an adult, they`re considered immature.
"nice crocs. where did you get them?" - nobody ever
There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze ... with a mouthful of rice.
person 1: i can draw really well person 2: i`m really athletic person 3: i`m hilarious and likable person 4: i`m gorgeous me: i can breathe
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.