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If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
Now that Microsoft`s Steve Ballmer has bought the Clippers, I wonder if he will release a new version every few years that we all hate.
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going.
During the first two weeks of January, people often resolve to lose weight, which is great for me because the line at Golden Corral is much shorter.
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
If any of you ever want your kitchen painted orange just give a six year old Cheetos for lunch and tell them not to make a mess. Works every time.
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.
The best part of winter coming is that all the bugs are rotting in hell where they belong.
If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis