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Does this status update make me look fat?
Do you think in the spirit world they have TV shows about trying to make contact with the living?
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly
So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.
Hurricanes, Fires,Tiger running loose ... Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
The last 10 seconds of every voicemail my grandmother leaves me is her trying to hang up the phone.
Maybe there`s no such thing as automatic doors, just gentlemen ninjas.
The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.?
If you touch your phone in the right places, a pizza will arrive at your door.
I`ve got big plans for the weekend. If things go well, come Monday morning I`m gonna need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist, a priest and bail money.
"Iyam A. Wii Todd" <-- Bet you can say that name out loud, in a crowded place, and really fast!
You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!
I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work