Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrhea!
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...
Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
I made a p@nis out of Legos. A literal c*ck block.
Doing word problems as a kid has helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn`t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"
Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.
Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby.
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
I had your cake and ate it too.
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.