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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
Starting an international incident is number one on my bucket list.
Just farted in 3 different languages! Thanks, Rosetta Stone!
Never underestimate the power of a hug. Or a slap upside the head. Whatever works.
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
I dreamt I was you..I hated myself. Luckily I woke up..woah that was close.
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
Don`t put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
I`ve never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.
is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?
I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."
My dance moves are somewhere between “dog being shocked by an electric fence” and “squirrel crossing the road.”