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I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
I donate blood 5 times a year just so I`m less and less related to some of my relatives.
There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
So, if I lie to the government, it’s a felony. But if they lie to me its politics?
When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.
The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.
Some of us are basically unpaid Facebook interns.
3 words, 8 letters, easy to say, hard to prove... ..."I`m a zebra."
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.
If you feel lonely... dim all lights & put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore
I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.
Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"