Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Me: "Why do all the people I love leave me?!" UPS Guy: "Please Mam, just sign"
If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
Wine doesn`t have many vitamins. That`s why you have to drink a lot of it.
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
The problem with the world is intelligent people are full of doubts, while stupid people are full of confidence.
Do they have to play movies so loud at the theatre? I litterally have to scream into my phone.
I’ve realized I get ridiculously nervous driving behind semi’s or trucks carrying sh!t that could fall out and impale me all because of final destination 2.
When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones? I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones?
I`m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.
I was standing in front of the mirror earlier, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.
Life`s short ... Drink fast
Friending someone on Facebook and complaining about what they post is like phoning someone to tell them you don’t want to talk to them.