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Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?
Sorry but if these walls could talk I`m pretty sure they`d talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you`re blowing out of proportion.
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on speaking directly to me.
I have a drinking problem. When I tilt my head back to take a drink, I can’t see my computer screen.
My sleep number is 24. That`s a case of beer and I sleep like a baby.
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?
When a newscaster says; "I am live at the scene with a person who witnessed the accident," what they really mean is; "Check out this douchetard we found at the scene of this crash."