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Nothing makes me want to leave a website more than a pop-up window saying, “Are you sure you want to leave this page?”
Sometimes I wonder how people who don`t have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.
I hate when I text a girl "I love you" and she`s like "no you don`t." Like bitch, I just fapped to your profile picture, I think I`d know.
“Knock him out.” – Mama
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
Bring a CD into my car that I "have to hear" and I`ll figure out a way to deploy the passenger side airbags
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they say "to boldly go where no one has gone before", when they get there, they always meet someone?
The longest yard for me is that space between me and the nacho dip
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
We all make mistakes .... I just do it better than everyone else.
I Hope I can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
I hate it when I have guests at my house and they ask "Do you have a bathroom?" No, we poop in the yard.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*