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It`s amazing how much people are willing to lower their eating standards when you insert the word "free" in front of the word "food".
When I was little we didn`t have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
See, this is why I never like too wake up, it means doing things.
I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or prettier than you. That would be me.
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
Movies are so unrealistic. This guy`s using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar, because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and ... hold on, are those nuts?
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
I believe in living every day like it`s my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
It`s the little things in life that count, like pills.
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.
Research is what I`m doing when I don`t know what I`m doing.