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I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
I try to avoid nice people, so they can stay that way.
Do bees even have knees?
My house isn’t dirty, I just have everything on display.
I started seeing this girl recently. She sometimes texts. Sometimes Whatsapps. Sometimes she emails. Sometimes she Facebooks. Im getting mixed messages.
Nobody notices your pain, your happiness, your sadness, your state of mind. But everyone notices it when you fart in public
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
Her dad said he`d like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
When a girl says "no," a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
I just got pulled over by the US Border Patrol. The agent comes up to my window and says, "Papers?" I said, "Scizzors!! I win!!!." And drove off. Apparently the US Border Patrol didn`t think Paper beat Scizzors. Sore Losers!!
That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.
Facebook where I am surrounded with people but still no one can see me biting my toe nails or picking my nose :-D