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Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
There comes a time in the day, when no matter what the question, the answer is booze.
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
Just bought me a medical alert bracelet that says... "probably just sh!tfaced"
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
I bet giraffes don`t even know what farts smell like.
I like how Reese`s come with two peanut butter cups in the package. That way I can eat one now and then the other one right afterwards.
When your feeling down, I will be there to feel you up. ;)
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now
FOR SALE: P90X® home fitness kit, still in box, $50 or will trade for king size Snickers