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The best moments in life are the ones you don`t tell anyone about.
I don`t understand why people go to the gym all the time... everything there`s so heavy.
I can`t even tell what this thing in my fridge use to be.
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
Found out today you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at the waffle house... just trying to help.
I dreamt I was you..I hated myself. Luckily I woke up..woah that was close.
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
"I don`t see color." - A person who shouldn`t eat snow.
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
At the Touch of Love..Everyone Becomes a Poet !
But..At the Touch of Breakup Everyone Becomes a Philosopher... ^_^
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
Buy all your socks in one color - problem of the missing sock solved!
Don`t get out of bed, it`s a trap.