Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
I can`t believe The Stones are still doing it after all these years. Someday I want to have a marriage like Fred and Wilma.
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: ...
There’s no “I” in team and coincidentally none in "Go f*ck yourself" either.
I am surprised Cheech and Chong have not filmed a new movie -"Cheech and Chong Smoke Colorado"
Scientist Proved That There are more Than 124786534688644478 People Living In This world who are Too Lazy To Read The Above Number...!!!
I may not be a veterinarian, but I know a horses a$$ when I meet one.
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
Why isn`t Wendy`s girl fat? You would think that someone who eats so many Baconators, chicken sandwiches and other burgers, would be quite the porker by now.
It`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes on Facebook.
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.