Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
My life`s paradox: I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough you can neither drive nor shut the hell up
Soccer is just like my sex life. Long periods of time with no action followed by pure shock & surprise by all parties involved when I score.
I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying...
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
We are living in a generation where Vampires are sparkly,Werevolves are gay and Witches wear leather pants.
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
I can`t afford to go on vacation these days,so I just drink until I don`t know where the duck I am or how I got there.
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it`s important that you lower your expectations.
I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.
Does `virgin wool` come from sheep the shepherd hasn`t caught yet? ..just asking
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
When a woman asks you for your opinion all she really wants to hear is her opinion repeated word for word but in your voice.