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A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.
The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren`t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive.
Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
I try not to laugh at my own jokes… but we all know I’m Hilarious.
Bitch, you`re just like monday, nobody likes you -_-
Trying to get in shape for all those people I`m not having sex with.
Actions speak louder than passive aggressive Facebook statuses.
Why aren’t mustaches called mouth brows?
“I saw that.” -Karma
People are obsessed with this storm but in a couple months no one will talk about it anymore, which is why they named it after the movie Juno.
Ok ... I just had a talk with myself, and it did not go well. Now I`m grounded.