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SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
There really isn`t much difference between being a kid and being an adult. I was just as emotionally crippled upon learning the truth about Penthouse Letters as I was about Santa Claus.
The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
I wish electronics would scream a little bit when you unplugged them.
This could be the best day ever… but it isn’t. Again.
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
I don’t know how your day is going, but I just got lucky on the couch! Yep, I found a dollar!
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.
“I’m going to be a little bit late” -people that are going to be very late
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?