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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
That awkward moment when im in the Airport, I walk through the metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off
The naked truth is better, than d dressed-up lie :) Aa
I wish I would of asked if she believed in sex after marriage
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
The worst part about being alone is I don`t have anyone to get me a beer from the fridge.
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
Found out the name of my neighbor`s cat. In other news, I now have free internet.
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin…just in case.
Despite being a pain in the a$$, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
Trying to be a responsible adult is messing up my social life.
We’ve solved so many world problems, and yet chocolate still has calories.