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There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
At my age I can no longer function without my glasses. Especially when they`re empty.
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
I had to go on two diets because one wasn`t giving me enough food.
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
I may not be a veterinarian, but I know a horses a$$ when I meet one.
Sometimes the only reason I leave my house is so when someone asks about my day I don’t have to say “Netflix and avoiding responsibilities"
Somebody told me I`m horrible with names.
“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi, Hungry. I’m Dad.” - Every time.
Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep
Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He`s obviously an undercover cop.
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..