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ALCOHOL - Because no good story ever started with someone drinking a glass of orange juice.
I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, the only thing that can cheer you up is bringing somebody else down with you.
I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner.
Helpful Tip: You can’t get in trouble for leaving work early if you disable the security cameras and crawl out the air-conditioning duct.
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
Don`t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.
i used to like you but thanks to facebook i now know how boring u are
What am I doing with the rest of my life? I don`t even know what I`m doing with the rest of this post...
My best friend sent me a message saying,"Your stupid," I replied,"atleast I know the difference between you`re and your,"
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
People who learned a bunch of stuff must have felt pretty stupid when Wikipedia came out.