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We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
What`s the lowest IQ someone can have while still being a relatively full functioning adult? My wife wants to know.
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
I`m happy that my grandma thinks that a iPad is for wet and leaking eyes
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
Nothing good goes into a microwave at 2:00am.
My body is made up of 90% water, 5% pizza and 5% wine.
As it turns out, I’m not an afternoon person either.
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
I can either be on time or wearing pants. Pick one.
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.