Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m beginning to believe that successful relationships come down to Netflix compatibility.
French people give me the crepes.
When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for 2?" I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see him too?"
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
The iPad Air is named after what`s left in your bank account when you buy one.
I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won to which I replied, "Yeah, man, you`re free."
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
I`ve been hitting "remind me later" for about the last 4 years on Adobe.
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
When I asked if you had protection, pepper spray isn’t what I meant.
Every time I see an abandoned shoe on the highway it reminds me of some of the drunken nights we use to have.
Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito?
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.
I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.