Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
I like surprises. Not the `finger in my a$$ without permission` kind, but flowers are always nice.
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
If video games have taught me anything, it`s that you`ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? ... Please say tomorrow
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
Seriously, it’s almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.