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You’d think “attractive neighbor leaves curtains open” would appear in more real estate listings.
I used to be a camera man in the porn industry but it became too hard...
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
What if animals all speak a universal language, and we’re the odd ones out???
I’m mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.
Girls who don`t get naked when you`re drunk.. Explain yourselves.
I`m sorry if I looked interested. You probably caught me fantasizing about bacon.
It`s time for all of us to admit the "endorphin rush" you get after exercise is just an overwhelming sense of relief it`s over
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has left when I leave.
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
Strange new trend at work. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Yesterday I ate a tuna sandwich named Jennifer.
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness
Hey, sorry I`m late ... I didn`t want to come
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.