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Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
You’d think “attractive neighbor leaves curtains open” would appear in more real estate listings.
Being a man in biblical times must’ve been hard. You’re busy then your wife says, “Someone parted the Red Sea & you’re here watching sheep.”
Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
This one isnt that funny, keep scrolling.
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
Half of life is screwing up…the other half is dealing with it.
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
No. My hair magically got shorter.
May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
I can`t turn water into wine, but I can turn vodka into dinner
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?