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My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it`s there to stab potential taco thieves.
Still waiting for a Discovery Channel "How It`s Made" episode on babies.
Boss: Are you high? Me: You and I both know that I don`t make enough money to have a drug habit.
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
Never trust a married guys opinion of who`s hot. It`s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
I`ve started an elimination diet, It`s where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet.
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really fast
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
One way to find out if you`re old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you`re young, if they panic, you`re old.