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We can operate a robot on another planet, but yet I`m still struggling to get this vending machine to take my wrinkled dollar.
Every-time I run I hear Mario Brothers theme song in my head, and look for things to jump over.
What does lolz mean...Laugh out loud zebras?
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!
life is too short to match socks
My favorite thing to say to old people is, "When I was your age I didn`t believe in reincarnation either".
Whoever said "What goes around, comes around", never passed around a bag of Doritos......................
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.