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I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
I`ve tried several times, but I can`t pet a cat without plotting world domination.
People who think I’m not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
Karaoke bars combine two of the worlds greatest evils—people who shouldn`t drink with people who shouldn`t sing.
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.
Keys to a good friendship. Same taste in alcohol. Different taste in women.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
you know hes a keeper when you know his facebook login and password!
I just ran a .003048K
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
The best trick the devil ever pulled was calling herself "him".