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WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I`m camping, I won`t be covered.
I just awesomed all over the place.
I have Beer.
My pants are 75% off.
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
Im not fat I´m just easier to see
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
Before telling me to listen to my heart you may want to check that it isn`t telling me to kick you in the shin!
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.