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I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
The amount of times I`ve had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent.
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
My new dating profile just says "I`m tired of masturbating."
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.
I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
I hate it when I meow at cats and they don`t meow back. Unbelievably rude
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.
Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.