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I put the pro in inappropriate.
Condom commercials should just be 30 seconds of crying babies pooping and vomiting all over themselves.
You know you’re awesome when you know you’re awesome.
The way you feel when your phone dies is exactly how Cinderella must have felt at midnight
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he`s attempting to get his hoodie back. He`s in for one hell of a life lesson.
went to the book store earlier to buy a Where´s Waldo book. When I got there, I couldn´t find the book anywhere. Well played Waldo, well played.
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
I wish my life had background music so I could figure out what the hell is going on.
Last night I got so drunk I blacked out for two hours, but then I realized I’d just put my hoodie on backwards
I`m smiling, that alone should scare you.