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Always have a goal... Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
Million Dollar Idea: Hire a bunch of people with OCD and start a cleaning company.
There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I`m supposed to stop reading the internet.
Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would`ve been if he`d eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the internet.
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
No great story started with someone drinking water.
you know that awkward moment when you think someone`s talking to you so you reply to them and then they look over at you with that disgusted facial expression that says "wtf ..no"
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.
I`d rather be someone`s shot of whiskey than everyone`s cup of tea.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.