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It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
There aren’t enough days in the weekend.
Sure, Men love funny women. As long as they are pretty...and skinny...and they have a great pair of knockers!!
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
If I had a dollar for everytime i thought of you, I would start thinking about you!
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can`t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
I`m the type of person who will throw away the manual and ponder for 3 hours "where the hell do I start"
I ate the whole box of Slim Fast bars. So excited about how skinny I`ll be when I wake up tomorrow.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole....
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"