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Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
Grey Goose and Red Bull, because two sets of wings is better than one.
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said bet you can`t hit me with a quarter!
I bet blind people think farts are funnier than deaf people.
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn`t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat...
LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
The only rule of the Chess Club is to hide from the Fight Club.
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.
You get wasted, swear to much, and your morals are questionable. You`re everything I`m looking for in a friend.