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Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
Hell hath no fury like me when Iām slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
Heard the local weatherman say, "high in the thirties" & now I know the title to my autobiography.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
To say I wasted today would be a huge insult to the producers of the 3 movies I watched.
Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it`s to be less of a nerd.
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
There`s no easy way to tell someone you lost their kid in a high stakes game of duck duck goose.
Next time a conspiracy theorist says, "That`s what they want you to think," say, "No, but that`s what they wanted you to tell me."
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
I try not to limit my madness to March.
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.
my husband of 10 years still goes mad when I use his toothbrush, if anyone knows a better way to get dog poo off shoes, im all ears