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If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
I`m starting to think the Hangover Fairy and the Angel of Death are the same person.
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
Someday, somewhere, somehow I’m going to do something.
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do...
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.
I wasn`t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I really feel about you!
Sometimes I think I’m too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.
You find it offensive?... I find it funny.... That`s why I`m happier than you