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If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
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Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
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My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
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Bring donuts so your coworkers will like you. Cut them in half so they will hate you again.
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My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and its just me laughing at my own jokes.
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I went to open a can of Whoop-Ass but it had a child-proof lid.
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A man made eye contact with me on the train, so I left my shoe behind ... And now, we wait...
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My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
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Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
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I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
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What ? Who ? Exactly my point. Now move along and go read something else. Nosey !!
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Hey, sorry I`m late ... I didn`t want to come
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Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?
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Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.
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I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......
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