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Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
Just drove past the house where I lost my virginity. There wasn`t even a plaque or anything. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
I like surprises. Not the `finger in my a$$ without permission` kind, but flowers are always nice.
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
My wife told me: "Sex is better on vacation." That wasn`t a very nice postcard to receive.
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
I laugh in the face of normal.
Recent survey asked people in the U.S if there are too many immigrants: 17% said yes, 83% said Lo siento, no hablan Inglés
And today I learned to never ask a woman how she dye`s her roots black.
Onion rings are vegetables. And the Large size counts as two servings.
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.
Sweating is for people who do stuff.