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Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.
It`s Monday. I`m refreshed and ready to hate my Job
Is "drunk" an emotion? Because if it is, I am feeling SUPER emotional right now...
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said “too ugly to prostitute”
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it`s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.
First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"