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To all the people who think they don`t need deodorant: What in the world would make you think that?
Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That`s why I think of jogging every morning.
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
I swear my bed just whispered "Please Don`t go."
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
For Lent I`ve decided to give up my New Year`s Resolutions
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
I don’t care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
No one answers their phones anymore... If I ever get arrested, I don`t want a damn phone call, I want a facebook posting.
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
Apparently “finders keepers” does not include expensive cars in parking lots.
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.