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Not to cause a panic but i`m starting to think we`re running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?
I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"…
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library today.
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.
i hate it when other people hate the person i hate!!!
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
I still remember when everyone wanted their phone to be smaller. Now that we can watch porn on them, everyone wants them bigger.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.
Sooooo, ..a friend of mine was watching my dog lick herself in a certain area. Out of nowhere he says, "I wish I could do that." ...I said, "Go ahead, but she might bite."...
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
"Please take a seat" was a bad introduction for a Kleptomaniacs` Anonymous meeting.
Multitasking (verb) - Screwing up several things at once.