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I`m terribly sorry but I have decided not to grow up and act my age after all. So there.
My sister told me I was not allowed to babysit anymore. Apparently the baby monitor is not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby`s ankle.
There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....
Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
It`s just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archaeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment.
If you think I hate you ... I probably do.
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
I don`t care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.
I’m not stupid. I’m just too lazy to show how smart I am.
I`m reading a book on anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down.
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
If I was stuck on a desert island with only one record, I would want it to be the record for being able to swim the farthest.
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.