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Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,...Why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
If you ever feel sad remember that there’s a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I`m going to bed
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!!!!
One problem with auto-correct is that you always end up posting some thong you didn`t Nintendo.