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This debt collector was just so surprised I answered my phone that they stuttered and hung-up lmao!!
Life would be a lot easier if employers accepted excuses like “I’m sorry I can’t come into work today, I’m sleepy”
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.
I had four E`s and LSD last night. Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!
I either get what I want or I change my mind!
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
How much do those guys who yell in the back of rap songs make? I could totally do that.
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
I just made my first snow angel!! ... Ok fine.. I got bored, got drunk and then passed out in the snow, whatever!