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There`s no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do.
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
Wine doesn`t have many vitamins. That`s why you have to drink a lot of it.
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.
I ran into a dwarfs car this morning and he come up to me and said "I`m not happy!" And I said we`ll which one are you then
I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: "None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
Don`t take nude pics. Problem solved.
I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn`t it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?