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Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
Warning: this life contains strong language, adult situations and nudity.
I wish I could use Shazam to identify people when I cant remember their name.
If Apple made a car, would it have windows?
That moment when you run into a spider web and suddenly become a karate master.
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
There is no greater stress than the stress of a guy who forgot his phone & left it at home with his wife.
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn`t work if it isn`t open.
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
One of the best ways to prepare for marriage is to wait 15 minutes in your car before going anywhere.
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.
Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it`s lettuce.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist