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I’m eating for two – me and that skinny girl inside my body. She likes cake, too.
Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
If I could move things by telekinesis I`d squeeze people`s insides and make them fart.
I’m exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
I guess not everyone at this grocery store is as comfortable with my nudity as I am. ;)
when I`m quiet, strangers look at me and think I`m shy. People who know me think: OMG! he`s thinking! EVERYBODY RUN!
My friend said "hey that girl has a nice butt" I said "yes i bet she can sit down excellently "
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
My memory foam has amnesia
Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator...
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned
When I "rage against the machine" the machine is usually a printer.