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Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It`s not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
It is hard to imagine how people showed their anger before doors were invented.
When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?
The iPad Air is named after what`s left in your bank account when you buy one.
My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night.
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
When you were little, “I’m going to tell your mom” was the scariest sentence ever.
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.
Ya .... That Supermoon was OK ..... But I was quite disappointed when I realized it didn`t even have a cape.
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
My idea of drinking responsibly is using a coaster.
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.
Sorry I said "nice phone" when you showed me a photo of your baby.