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I`ve done a lot of things over the years ... But acting normal has never been one of them.
People who text back... "kk" ... Are so annoying! ....and almost racist
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
All women are crazy. But, if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.
I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
Guys if you ever want to imagine what a woman’s mind feels like imagine a browser with 2,859 tabs open. All. The. F*cking. Time.
My wife said to go out and buy something that makes her look hot & sexy for Valentine`s Day! So I got drunk.
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
Not to brag or anything, but I don`t need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
I was standing in front of the mirror eariler, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
You couldn`t handle five minutes in my head.
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.
maturity comes when you stop publishing every detail of your life on social media
Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.