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Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.
If I could be anyone else in the whole world, I would still be me so that I wouldn`t have to buy new clothes.
I drink to make other people interesting.
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
My internet is so slow, it`s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "That`s us in 10 years". She said "That`s a mirror".
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
My leadership experience is pretty much limited to those three consecutive days in first grade when I was line leader.
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan? ;)
If I was famous I would just knock on peoples doors and be like ... Hello, yes it`s me.
Society: Be yourself. Society: No not like that
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.
You want to see Americans become activists? Cancel a TV show they like.
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome