Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
My mother was feeling cold so now I`m wearing a sweater.
Last night we were in bed and I asked my wife "What would you like to do to my body more than anything else?" She said "Identify it."
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you`re better off staying home with no pants on.
Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you’re a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
since when was it cool to have an iPhone at the age of 10.. i sincerely hope those parents know what they`ve done.
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
If you`re already in the cop car, I really can`t see how puking in it could make things any worse.
Fashion is what you call hideous clothes that are really expensive
I’ve never met a weekend that I didn’t like.
I’m bored. Anyone need anything avenged?