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If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Some people should be very grateful I don`t have mob connections.
Tonight`s good mood is sponsored by ... Beer!!
Marriage: It`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
Remember if you ask me to put sun lotion on your back, I am definitely drawing something dirty while I`m back there.
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
I`m 42 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night.
I just stepped on a cornfkake does that make me a cereal killer ?
All alcohol will make my clothes fall off… tequila just makes that happen in public.
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
On the bottle of mouthwash it says "24 hour protection", so why do the directions say "Use Twice Daily"?
Thanks to yesterday`s chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
I was born to be happy… not normal.