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Marco Polo must really hate sitting near a swimming pool.
Practice safe text – use commas and never miss a period.
Is it just me or does chocolate taste even better late at night, hence the the last four letters of the word chocoLATE?!
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
Every now and then when I`m in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you`re listening". If I`m wrong, nobody knows. If I`m right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
Finding friends with the same disorder as you... priceless!
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
I love sleep because its like a time machine to breakfast.
Slipped on black ice today, I thought it was regular ice at first, but when I stood up, my wallet was gone.
My favorite in-laws are the ones that don`t exist.
Porn can be so misleading. I quit my pizza delivery job after two days.