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Leaving the house would be so much cooler if someone would yell “Aaaaand Action!” as I walk out the door.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
whoo hoo...I have new gutters. Please try and keep your mind out of them.
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I`m not your boyfriend.
They should just block cell phone service in movie theaters. Problem solved.
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!
Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we`d still be talking about how we`re not finding that airplane.
My body needs a refresh button.