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Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
Boss: Are you on drugs? Me: You and I both know I don`t make enough money to have a drug problem
Son to mom: why should I sweep the floor? Mom to son: do you want to be an Olympic Curl champion?
Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.
Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.
Why don`t we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee ....Coincidence? I think not.
thinks we need to think like a first grade teacher and separate Romney and Gingrich next time they debate!
yes I have a dirty mind, and yes you are in it...
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
Coffee eyedrops! Another million dollar idea.
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard
If steroids are illegal for athletes shouldn`t photoshop be illegal for models?
You can`t be late until you show up
Why be part of the problem when you can be all of it?