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Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
I just made you think of an elephant
I wish I budgeted with my whole paycheck as well as I do with the last fifty bucks of it.
Why don`t we ever hear anyone bragging about their Allstate safe driving bonus checks?
Whenever someone tries to get too friendly with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to remind them of where we stand.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it`s to be less of a nerd.
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
It takes balls to be a man.
I hate how my friends are always trying to convince me to do extreme activities. Like bungee jumping, skydiving or leaving the house.
Alcohol doesn`t make you fat, it makes you lean..........against tables, chairs, walls, and garbage cans.
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
You know it’s a really good bar when there’s a couple outside breaking up.
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?