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Easy baked macaroni and cheese recipe: Boil macaroni in water.... follow the rest of the instructions on box. TADA!
I learned how to kiss passionately by practicing on my hand, but now it just uses me for sex.
I don`t eat a high fiber diet to be healthier, I eat so I`ll have to $hit more at work.
I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
When people ask how my childhood was, I say "Pretty good, so far."
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
Home is where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She`s now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don`t negotiate with terrorists!!
I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.
Do you think people will start blaming auto correct for there marriages breaking down?