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I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
Got kicked out of the hospital. Apparently the “head nurse” is just the one in charge of the other nurses.
Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
I’d like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.
I don`t believe in karma, but I do believe in punching people in the face.
did you notice when you yell "yo ugly" about 10 people turn around
Why would I pay someone to scare me at a haunted house when I could just open a can of biscuits at home?
There was a HUGE spider in the shower.. So I ran into the living room screaming naked.. Now my daughters` friends probably won`t be allowed over anymore..
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
To the dude I just saw driving a beat up Ford mini van with spare tire and dream catcher on mirror: that dream catchers not working dude!
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
"I`ll drink to that." -me to my next drink
Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.