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The voices in my head tell me not to listen to the voices in my head, and now I don`t know who to listen to anymore
"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
I`d rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries.
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
Boobs are like the Sun. You can stare at them directly just for a few seconds, but if you put on sunglasses, you can stare as much as you want!
"That looks interesting. I think I`ll eat it." - Sharks and Toddlers
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry
Half a dozen: because “six” is way to long.
My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.