Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What number SPF blocks people?
only 9530 days until retirement.
My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night.
Video Game Logic: Everyone worse than me is my bitch and everyone better than me has no life.
Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume…
If I could time travel, I`d make sure the guy who made up the word Walkie-Talkie got to name more things.
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.