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I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.
"I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"-Me, every time I drink
I do not fail, I succeed at things that do not work.
I know alcohol isn`t the answer, but it`s my best guess.
I`m an optimist. To me, the glass is always half alcohol.
Nothing says "friend zone" quite like a girl saying "you`re like a brother to me." (Disregard this message if you`re from Alabama)
I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, "You are my b*tch"
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow.
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
I never run with scissors…those last two words were unnecessary.
I don`t know exactly who`s health I`m drinking to, but they`re going to be immortal at this rate
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.