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Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level.
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
The best part about Valentine`s Day is that tomorrow is Friday.
If at first you don`t succeed ... run them over
There has to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
Orion`s Belt is a huge waist of space.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
When I ask a girl I like why she and her ex broke up and she says "we just didn`t work out" I already know I have no chance since I hate working out
So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?
If by time, you mean vodka, then yes, time does heal all wounds.
Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.
Technically, every picture is a before picture.