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If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it`s working.
Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
The self-checkout line was a miracle for the condom industry.
If I were invisible I`d go beat up a street mime...the applause he would get would be incredible
The recipe I am making says to chill for 30 minutes so I`m sitting back and having a margarita!
I guess “Trying to be” isn’t really the answer the doctor was looking for when he asked if I was sexually active.
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
That awkward moment when you tell your parents something funny, but it turns into a life lesson.
I`m a multi-taking procrastinator. I can put off all kinds of things all at once.
I might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery the odds are about the same
Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can`t do is pick up it`s own poop. You`re just a poop collector.
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
Just another day of not being rich and famous.
I`d say go to hell, but I don`t want to see you again.
You`re right. I don`t have a clue. I`ve never had a clue. It`s part of my charm and it seems to be working for me.