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Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently.
?-- that guy is cute ?
Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
The best things in life are free, but they still screw you on shipping.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
When you were little, “I’m going to tell your mom” was the scariest sentence ever.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free.
You call it free samples, I call it a free all you can eat buffet.
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
Social media is great if you like socializing without wearing pants.
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.