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good boys go to heaven bad boys go every where
You know what`s really great about being a narcissist? Me.
Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
I wonder who the first person was to look at a beehive and think, "those bastards are hiding something delicious in there, I know it!"
Lucky Charms should be 98% Marshmallows and 2% of that other sh*t.
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you`re talking about BABIES?
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell. :)
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.
If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted.