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So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it`s time to eat again.
Do you know what would really be fun? ... No really.. If you know, tell me.. I`m bored to death.
Why is it that everyone you hate has such a better job than you?
A gun is like a coupon that works anywhere.
My husband is not allowed to help with math anymore. Apperently 4 = 6.5 in his reality.
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
Just once I’d like to see someone dropkick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
Why,does facebook want to make the likes one gets on their status like a story,like:peter and 500 others like this,click and see james and 499 others like this............
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
Word of advice. If your wife or girlfriend ever asks "hypothetically speaking, if I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?" Never give two names......ever.
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
LIKE if you check your phone to see what time it is and then check it again because the first time you weren’t paying attention.
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening
Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.