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is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
Missed Connection: You were standing at the RedBox. I was in my car self pleasuring. I accidentally honked like 8 times.
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when other people talk.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
Example of the difference between `You`re`and `Your`: 1. "You`re nuts" = "You are nuts" 2. "Your nuts" = "What about my nuts?"
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.